
Dadaists, elementary school teachers, and Tea Party activists beware- “Government Hooker” mops up all the leftover creative placenta Gaga vomited from from “Born This Way, precisely the absurd love-child of Depeche Mode and Daft Punk created while recovering from heavy mind-zooting the Sunday night before.
“Government Hooker”‘s entrance at the opera prepares you for Madame Butterfly, not the minimalist metronome slowly blipping away at barely-danceable BPM’s. Spoken interludes question Gaga’s sanity as she adopts a balance of self-denial (“I can be cool, if you just wanna be bad”) with her previously hidden shapeshifting abilities: “I could be anything, I can be everything.” But the song makes as much sense as that infamous upturned toilet, with musical structure changing form minor keys to that irkingly major “as long as I’m you’re hooker”, ear-splitting praise of hookahs everywhere, and a chorus worthy of that Gaga flair but unredeeming scaled against the song.
Intentional grammar dodges only aid in its absurdity. “I could be girl, unless you want to be man.” Yes, Lady Gaga is still a hermaphrodite; cheap lyrics slightly betray the song’s high production value. “I could be sex, unless you want to hold hands.” Before I assuage any fears about precluding dextrous contact during intercourse, who exactly is she having sex with? There’s that infamous line- “Put your hands on me, John F. Kennedy.” Monica, watch out, we’ve got a new scandal in town.
The quintessential error in Government Hooker is her proposition of providing ambiguously sexual services for money- “as long as you pay me.” With taxes so high and America about to climax at its debt ceiling, requesting fiscal reimbursement for the procurement of pleasure is inconsiderate and selfish at best. I’d much rather prefer someone like Sarah Palin or Christine O’Donnell (“I can be hunter, I can be witch”) who can still sing absurdities while refusing any further entitlements. And that creepy voice in the background- how much did they pay him?
“Government Hooker” ultimately tackles too many fronts at ones, a mixmash of glossed over social issues (gender roles, oversexualization) with politically-charged-but-empty indications of corruption and the missed inclusion of high-profile women that Dance in the Dark leaves hungering for. There’s a pastiche of musical themes that never really work together, but the lack of centrality gives it meaning- just as the 1920′s art movement valued impracticality over structure. Maybe in an age where stenciled techno beats style every song, this would work. But its larger-than-life title fails to live up to its glamour, leaving atonal handouts and musical polarization fans have to decidedly accept instead.
(disclaimer: I hope the absurdity works)








